Braiden

Seeing you again today hurt, like, a lot. I haven't spoken to you in three months, and it's crazy that today of all days would be the one that I happen to find you again, being that it's the day I met you three years ago. You probably don't even remember that, so I guess it doesn't matter or mean much at all. You probably don't remember a lot of things, like the reason we stopped talking in the first place, judging by your reaction and confusion on why I would not stick around.

Look, it's not that I don't want you around. I love talking to you, hanging out with you and shooting the shit as they say. I would go so far as to say that I love you, but that's the kind of one-sided love that hurts way too much when the person you love only has eyes for the bottle and a memory that's long gone. I understand that kind of hurt, in fact it's what we bonded over because I do understand having your entire life ripped apart and feeling like the only way to survive a gun in your mouth is the bitter taste of Jack. But at some point along the way, I grew to realize I was doing to others what he did to me, and you seem to be totally oblivious to the fact that you do to others, myself included, what she did to you.

I can't be around you Braiden, you treat me like a child, though we're closer in age than you let yourself realize, and you don't see me as a person. I am not a disembodied voice, a fictional character, a figment of your imagination. I am a person with thoughts and feelings and words, and you're too wrapped up in her to hear those words and see me with your own eyes. I am here, I exist, and I can't just let you keep treating me like your emotional punching bag and let myself feel guilty when I finally explode at the neglect, guilty enough to give you yet another final chance. You've used up the chances, and now a hello in a crowd is what I can allow you, a short conversation with others around to distract from the emptiness you left inside me.

I wish you the best, I really do, and I hope that someday you will realize that other people exist and are there to love and help you. None of those people are me; I can admit to myself that I love you, more than I have any right to, but I have to accept that I cannot help you and that being around you makes me worse of a person. I wish you all the best and I hope that one day you can find peace and learn that it is okay to be yourself and to let others know who you really are.